when the loneliness conquered your heart

Once, my friend of my friend said that "The loneliness seems as a knife that sharper and sharper in the night that you're alone." I don't thinks he was right or wrong. It depend on the individual personality. However, last night I felt like that. In my room, I could see the tungsten light came cross into my room through the balcony. The orange light and the cold weather totally hit my heart. I had to see my hand and asked myself, "Are you thinking you can grasp your dream or just chasing your shadow in the moon light." I didn't know how to answer the question...

Today, One of my Korean friend was going back to Korea. She was the third friend who went back, and next month I have one more. She was cute, big eyes, and smart. So now just only me, Yuette, G, Tomo and Andy still live here in Lagucc. Ryo and Ho chul were going to college. The question is who is next? I had no idea to answer this question...

However, life is go on and the value of life is the how to treat yourself. Might be include the how to manage your future, but eventually, yourself is the court that evaluate yourself. Finally, the last proper question is who is left? I obviously had no idea.





Sincerely
Otto, in the mood of unconscious.

The day after Christmas

Hello, the human all around the world who assumed you are Christian even through you guys haven't gone to church since Picasso died. I got a plenty of Christmas card. Actually, it was a internet card. So no matter what I got, they could do by Ctrl+C, then Ctrl+V. However, get something is better than nothing.

Christmas parties of NYC for me was special too. I had 3 big parties, 2 from my workplace and another one was my friends party. I wasn't curious about my friend party, cause they were Christian or kind of, but About my work place parties, I was wondering why they paid too much attention and stuffs to make it. Because of I felt this wasn't our traditional festival, but why everyone crazy about it. I realized and understood why Christmas become famous and popular in USA., not only Americans but also people who live in USA. too.

First, the gift was the best thing they gave. I assumed Gift was represent to the kindness and care about people entire the world, not only relative, cousin, or your boss. Probably, USA. was a country that care about the another opinion only once in the year. That made them pay unlimited in Christmas's gift.

Second, I liked this, cause they supported the money rotation in the society. I couldn't imagine how much money of the Americans spend in the Jesus birth day. Certainly, over the billion US. dollars that could energize the world.

Third, as I told you in the first paragraph, now I felt Christmas wasn't belong only Christian anymore. They invaded to every countries. Christmas card might be the second cheapest gift, from only say merry christmas, but it showed us about the relationship that we were still keep in touch.

Hur,....... Christmas



Otto, the guy who was lie down on the side walk in the night of Christmas eve.

In the day when you have gone.

I know, you haven't known me before. But I heard and saw quite a lot about you. You were the one of the most important women in my life. Even though, you were not the first one in my favorite, but if I have any chance, you always were my first substitute. I saw quite a lot of your movie. But no parties under the heaven wouldn't finished, as same as person, nobody is immortal. Hence, I wish your life will fulling by the peaceful and the graceful.


Good bye my darling Kaede Matsushima. I won't forget you whole my life.










Miss you sometime when I jerk off.
Otto

Knowledge is never lately to know

Knowledge is never lately to know, I'm starting like this may be someone disagree to me. However, I don't care. I said that because of I have had a friend who came from Korea. He has wanted to play guitar, but he has been a beginner. And this Saturday, we will have a Christmas Party, I'm going to buy a guitar for his birthday party. The prize wasn't a big deal, but in this moment, every thing in USA. has rebated more than every ceremony, I had a bad example to prove my statement. First, I just bought a new cell phone, the price was 200.50$, only few weeks ago, and you know now the price has declined to 50% discount,T-T I was shocked when I read that news. Anyway, I was a guy who never interest in anything if I wasn't interest. Ok, let's back to my topic again.

Probably, I said that to myself too. Nobody was too old adequate to study. That was a reason why I has had been studying here, hurrr. Although, I still don't know my Tofel score yet, but I believed I have to take a test again soon. And now I realized what is the weakness point in my English, which is my Grammar. I could speak but cause my grammar was too bad to arrange my statement, thus the listener might be confuse to me. To figure out. I have been starting Grammar again, and I felt what the hell Am I? Simply only tense, I still didn't know. Oh my God. The kind of sentence including by Present tense, Past tense and Future tense. Moreover, Each tense has a subset in its. Now I've studied about that. I used to proud of my English Level, cause I could answer and understand what were they talking about, in the real life it possibly work, but in the education world, I have to know more and completely understand.




Hurrr,....



Sincerely
Otto, 28 years old, who must study about the tense such as elementary school's student.

great disaster occurred again at ANFIELD

First of all, I have to say I'm the Kop, Liverpool FC. Well, after I knew the latest score of the biggest match stopped the world between Liverpool and Man utd. I'm so sad. Because my lovely team was defeated 0-1 in front of more than 45000 of the kop's sight. Even though, the format of the match Liverpool could control and held the ball more than the red devil, but the creativity and determination was clearly less than Red devil. The El ninho, Fernando Torres, only him couldn't pass the 2 great defender and 1 defensive midfield as Evra, Rio and Hagrave. And also today they were all top form. Thus, after the game we have to talk about what is the original problem of us? What we need? The disappear of main player as Xavi Alonso, and Danieal Agger were effected to the performance of the team, or the Manager's tactic was wrong. However, I still trust in Rafa Benitez even we lost this game. I believe it was a game. The result could show in both side, and also football is the stuff of the circle rubber,which measured by the air inside. Nobody know what will happen in the final until the referee blew the NOk-Weed(sorry I don't know how to called it in English) In addition, I think the substitute of Liverpool squad wasn't be the second below any team in the Britain. Hence, I don't understand why,why,why,why, we were defeated by Man utd again in our home stadium.

Hur, now I released my despair and feeling better. Hope next match against to Chelsea(the other team that lost today too) the Fortune angle will turn her face to us, although Carling seems as a Micky mouse cup but it is a trophy too. and we also in the way to grasp the biggest ear trophy as UFA Champion League.

Hope Liverpool has forgot this game and raise their face up to the next game.
Otto

Complete 365 Days, I have been here.

Finally, it will complete 365 days that I spend at NYC. The most important thing I remind is THE CONDOM. I swear it's true. I prepared the condom from my country, I bought it 1 big pack for seven days, 3 pieces per day. However, the package still like a the first day when I bought. hahaha, T_T STUPID.

The next thing is today I took my first Tofel test. I accepted it was not easy as I implied. I thought as a tough guy, Hey look at me I lived here 1 year, I studied for whole year. Thus I supposed to get the good score, at least I should passed the test. Unfortunately, I passed the test like a wounded. I hurt so much. As my bad condition, I had no voice to talk and my brain didn't work very well cause I caught a cold since monday. I assumed cause I worked 6 chips a week now. However, it wasn't a good reason I can say to raise my face up. Anyway, next time I'll prepare more and more.

Eventually, my behavior, attitude, ambitious and etc. were totally change.Even though I still believe I was a Otto, the same guy when I left my country to grab a chance to live here. But I'm growing and know more about the world. I like this kind of situation. I pieced my ear, or my tattoo. I have 2 more years to lived here if I don't give up early and go back home. My time doesn't finish yet. I'm very hopefully wish The lucky angle will turn her beautiful face to me this moment, and I'll be back to be Otto Again.

what the coincidence.

In addition, Have you ever seen the movie named "NANA"? I watched and thought it was a colorful movie. I liked it a lot. one of the title song named "glamorous sky" said " I want to cross the rainbow and get back to that morn." I realized that who sneaked into my dream and grasped my objective when I slept. I want to know. Probably I already knew, simply couldn't accept it...



However,Happy anniversary 1st year in NYC.
sincerely
Otto

I lost my best memory (again)

Have you ever lost you imagination, or your idea that just occurred into your head? It like a something suddenly happened but you were not in the right time to write it down, or remember it well. I often to have that experience a lot! Since I came to NY., probably every thing were new for me so it always inspired me to think all the time although some thing was impossible. This time too. I tried to think about what I thought in this evening, I considered too much even though I still can't been recognized it. Um,... that's why I write this article. Um,... What did I have to write? Damn it. I totally forget it again. Such as a idiot, I forget to write what I should write it down, AGAIN. Well, never mind. Hopefully, next time.

Otto, the one who always has the right thing in the wrong time.

Time has come

I believe I'm getting older all the time. As you know step of our life are Happy birth day, Happy marriage, and Funeral ceremony. When we was young we joined the Happy birth day parties. After that we grow up, marriage is coming. Eventually, the Funeral ceremony was the terminal. Today we're going to analyze the three biggest ceremony in our life.

First of all, Happy birth day party is the simply party in the world, I think people in the develop and developing countries, once in their life they must have it. Even though they're rich or poor. To be honest, when I had my first happy birth day party when I was nineteen years old. Because my family don't pay any attention into this stuff, also me too. After that I realize that almost every month I have to buy the gift or present for some of my friends cause every month they had. I understand the good thing of present is helping the rotated economic system. Let's think about the spending money for the gift. According to my opinion, it must over than eighty billions per year. 80 millions of population, a thousand for each paid. It mean 80 times 1000 equal eighty thousand, Oh my goodness. it's the gift company or the luxury gift's sake. Damn it.

Second, the marriage wasn't only involve 2 of life, but also engage to the little alternative life that we called Baby. Moreover, it'll became to the heavy chain that tied the entire of our life. Why I say that, cause of my friend evidenced me. It was lucid information, pure that showed me. I shouldn't get married, never ever getting married. Let's me tell you all my friend who was a ex-cool guy. Once upon a time, but not long time ago, when we gather went to hang out. He always caught a girl around there. Obviously, he was a Casanova who tried a lot of sweetest honey in the world. Probably it was a exaggeration, but it was truth. However, after he married he hadn't any permission to go out anymore. Every day of his life was work as labor, but the thing he carried isn't only his life. He handled his own family too. Um,... the stories became too tough and pretty complicated. Anyway that's why I don't want to marry.

Third, Funeral was the latest station we have to face in one day. Old cliche say "Once lose someone, you understand how precious they were to you." it's totally lucid paradox. I accepted when I heard this I was quite young, so I couldn't understand at all. On the other hand, I have the ability to understand, right now.
Because of I'm older and from seldom went to funeral became too often. I saw the relative of the one who passed away cried, some of their tear touched my heart. I still couldn't remember clearly when I went to my grand-pa funeral. It's like I was too young to know what happened. It wasn't anymore. I hope I haven't to go the funeral, but I know it's impossible, it will occur soon.

The END
Otto, the one who scared the marriage.(really?)

I'm such a guy who have numerous demand.

Hello, Hur--r, I just came back to my place after finished my work. Tonight was totally tried, I felt like everyone lost the consciousness, enthusiastic and tried to cheat the college as me. To be honesty, My work ideal is work as good as you want to receive from the other, that I did my good and wish they did its back. So, you should know my feeling after I told you like this. Anyway, this week I got the Friday's night chip. that's so great, cause I'm waiting for this almost 1 month, but I think about next week that I have a TOFEL test. Thus, I can't work for next week. T_T poor guy. I wish manager wouldn't cut my schedule off. Anyway, I hope every things will be better even though I have to work hard for this holiday, but don't worry about me, I ensure keep the studying. Um,....anyway, My journey is too long this is simply only initial of my stories. Um,... probably, I worked a lot that make me feel a little bit lazy to write more about my topic which I wanna talk to.


Oh, Today my college asked me "When you pee, you're standing, or sitting?" I didn't realize what was the point he want to communicate to me, after that I realized. That was so mean. Hence, I asked him that, "Did I do something bad to you, why the hell you asked me in the ironic motion like that?" he stunned. "If I did something bad to you, I'll accept all my fault, but I believe I did the good thing to you all the time, and if you wanna talk to me more we can do it after finish the working, whatever style you wanna talk to, it's ok for me." I told him more for explicitly clear. He said that"So sorry about that, I didn't think you will think too much about it like this." Um,..... It didn't make any sense to me. If I treated him badly, I understand. On the other hand, we have a good relationship. That have no reason to said something ironic like that. It was rarely happen in real life. However, it's ok. we cleared the conflict, and he knew what was my feeling. I'm fine ^^)/


I think if I still in my country, I will talk to him, or not. However, I'm changing. Probably little by little, but it's changing.


Otto, The guy who think he was changing, but actually he wasn't, KKK

In the day that first snow had been fallen.

Hi, My self. I just pierced my ear. By the way, my Japanese friend named RYO did it, Thanks a lot my Fucking lovely friend. I promised to myself when the first snow have fallen this year, I'll do something change. Today snow had been fallen. This is the conclusion.

Almost 1 Year,...

I dreamed last night that's gather about my family, my friends, my girl. I couldn't remember last time I have a dream beside N' Dream(my junior in the college, I really don't know how she is, now) However, she had gone.

I just finished the phone call with my Korean friend, she said she didn't have any objective to be here. She told my she was studying at hunter college, but I just knew she study for bachelor degree,AGAIN. I don't think that's a good idea. Thus I asked her "what the hell are you doing there, why do you need the second bachelor degree in the same major,..." She said she was nervous and lost her conscious about her goal. Um,... that was a really really big problem.
I ever be the guy who lost everything. It was a complete fiasco. I confess sometime I still be the same, but the one thing changed is I wasn't the old or success adequate to sit on the bunch front of the house, and died alone. I'm keeping, trying, finding my target of my life. I consider this is true, wrong way goal? I asked myself too many time. Anyway I can't know before I try, right? Thus, what the hell conclusion is? I have to keep walking, even though alone in the dark. the old cliche said "the old mother of the success is failure." I don't think it's true or not, anyway I don't wanna get the fiasco in my life, I swear.

As the title I told you I've spend almost 1 year here, leafs changed the color and have fallen, but did I get something back? um,.... might be only the survival knowledge that I got. Anyway, I realize myself wasn't a social guy like I felt, precisely isolate more than usual, cause I exactly haven't Thai community or school community too. I merely work,study,live by myself. Someone said that "I'm a kind of person who is self indulgence and hard to get along." probably it was true. But I don't care whatever I'm in your own sight. I simply be what I wanna be.

Otto, The guy who've spend almost 1 year without sex.