Almost 1 Year,...

I dreamed last night that's gather about my family, my friends, my girl. I couldn't remember last time I have a dream beside N' Dream(my junior in the college, I really don't know how she is, now) However, she had gone.

I just finished the phone call with my Korean friend, she said she didn't have any objective to be here. She told my she was studying at hunter college, but I just knew she study for bachelor degree,AGAIN. I don't think that's a good idea. Thus I asked her "what the hell are you doing there, why do you need the second bachelor degree in the same major,..." She said she was nervous and lost her conscious about her goal. Um,... that was a really really big problem.
I ever be the guy who lost everything. It was a complete fiasco. I confess sometime I still be the same, but the one thing changed is I wasn't the old or success adequate to sit on the bunch front of the house, and died alone. I'm keeping, trying, finding my target of my life. I consider this is true, wrong way goal? I asked myself too many time. Anyway I can't know before I try, right? Thus, what the hell conclusion is? I have to keep walking, even though alone in the dark. the old cliche said "the old mother of the success is failure." I don't think it's true or not, anyway I don't wanna get the fiasco in my life, I swear.

As the title I told you I've spend almost 1 year here, leafs changed the color and have fallen, but did I get something back? um,.... might be only the survival knowledge that I got. Anyway, I realize myself wasn't a social guy like I felt, precisely isolate more than usual, cause I exactly haven't Thai community or school community too. I merely work,study,live by myself. Someone said that "I'm a kind of person who is self indulgence and hard to get along." probably it was true. But I don't care whatever I'm in your own sight. I simply be what I wanna be.

Otto, The guy who've spend almost 1 year without sex.